just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
