the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
