I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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