WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
