I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
