the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
