Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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