My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
