He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
