In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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