How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
