So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
