yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
