Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
