So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
