Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
