You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
