omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
