the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
