In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
