yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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