We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
