HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
