Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
