Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
