Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
