no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
