i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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