The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
