Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
