I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
