I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
