dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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