Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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