Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
