quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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