You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
