I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
