what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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