It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
