Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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