It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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