he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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