this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
