i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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