wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
FUCK WHALES
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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