So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
