Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
