Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
