the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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