Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
