A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
