I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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