He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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